u believe Vs u don't believe.

When we asked a child what do they want to be, i think that their answere is they want to become an adult so that they can be free. Anyway, they wont be able to foresee that adults lost their freedom even more after they reached end of their childhood. I have lots of things to pour out from the bottom of my heart but the voice never came out because it's not meant to be heard. Within this two years in Penang, I still struggle with His dicision to send me back. I think nobody here will believe that a teacher can miss her students from other state so much for so long..so i have to keep it in my heart alone... cause nobody here believe it...Do you know that i tried so hard to bring love and care in my students' life? No, nobody knows. I am very sad when a student told me that they don't care about their teachers after class end. But i want to be a part of my students's life..I want to be their friend so that i can give them a hand when they lost.... I think they realize about it but when they received their exam papers bo get scolded by me, some of them get confuse and turn to become don't belive anymore. Where does love go? Again i have to hide my feeling and pretend that it doesn't matter to get rejected by students...Do my students know that i tried very hard to stop my tears from dropping down during school special assembly? Why? Because nobody will believe that i can love my two form five boys by getting to know them around two weeks before the tragedy! Nobody knows that I still love and care about my year 2009 3TA2 students! Nobody believe!!!!! Some might believe at the beginning but it will change after they get their mark or get scolded by me again...nobody will believe! What had happened in my hometown? God, why You send me back? I really feel deeply helpless and my heart is always fill with sadness!!!!!! Lord, please do show me the way out before i get collapse...what do You put me into this place? I can't shout out !!!! Cause nobody believe !!!!!! God, i know You are good all the time...do send Your angels to console my heart...I am very tire and very lonely here....I cant denied that some of them are very wonderful and lovely students but they are too young to understand how I really feel...I know they are always be there to give me fully support but they are too young to give me the strenght that i need to overcome my circustances...Lord, i need more than that...I really don't want to argue with my BM students regarding essay writtings, no more teaching matter that against tuition teachers matter here...no more arguement with anyone in school regarding students' matter.....Lord, why You believe in me yet I start feel doubt about myself? Lord, now i am goin to rest in Your arm...give me wisdom and strenght to complete Your plan thru me...You are my Lord forever...Amen.

Penang Vs Miri

What is the differences between Cung Ling's boys and Miri's students? Am i right or just because of my prejudice?...Let me about how you feel regarding my point of view...no offence ok? First of al...perbezaan:
1. Chung Ling's boys always call me 'Lau Shi'. Miri's students always call me Ms Yeoh.
2. Chung Ling's boys ... most of them know my full name. Miri's students...most of them don;t know about it.
3. Chung Ling's boys like to search their teachers; profile thru internet. Miri's students only search the profile of those teachers that they are close to.
4. Chung Ling's boys hardly to express their feeling to their teachers. Miri's students can get close to their teachers easier.
5. Chung Ling's boys feel inconveniet if their teachers greet them or talk to them in front of their friends outside school. Miri's students feel very excited can meet their teachers outside school.
6. Chung Ling's boys like to speak in Mandarin n Hokkien. Miri's students only like to speak in Mandarin and English.

Now...let us discuss about the similarities between this 2 groups of students...
1. Both respect those teachers who work hard n always by their side.
2. Both can hardly accept my marking skills which always give them low mark.
3. Both can accept teacher's negative comments if they knew or given the reasons.
4. Both are tuff and hardly give up.

From my point of view..
1. I care about both groups of students.
2. I do enjoy teaching them.
3. Sometimes both groups of students buat saya sakit kepala n kadang kala kepala sakit juga...

Any comment? Let me know how do u think?

Satu Vs Sembilan

Pada petang hangat menusuk kalbu, jiwaku dilanda ribut salji lantas langkahku menjadi kaku. Angin bertiup zaman beralih. Namun patutkah budi dibiarkan jadi kudis? Hari ini ku terdengar suara sedu makku mendengar suatu khabar melalui telefon...hatiku terus bengis menanti si dia yang menitiskan air mata ibuku! Rupa-rupanya satu lagi tragis yang menimpa warga mas yang menagih simpati anak cucunya....Si dia yang lupa asal, si nun yang pelupa...masing-masing berdebat berbalah demi membuktikan satu perkara, wanita tua ini mak siapa! Duhai manusia durjana, kenapalah identiti wanita separuh nyanyuk ni dipertikaikan kini? Kenapa bukannya dari dulu lagi? Sebelum rambutnya beruban sebelum ingatannya mulai luntur dimamah usia...kenapa kini? Tergamak hati si dia yang bergelar anak...sembilan semuanya...bermuafakat dengan kepuasan tidak terhingga hinggap pada wajah mereka...ibu tua bakal dibawa ke Kuala Lumpur untuk menghadiri majlis perkahwinan cucunya...kononnya...patut gembira kan? Satu keramaian yang sarat dengan suara riang gembira menanti demi menghiburkan hati si ibu tua yang dianggap sudah nyanyuk...ya...majlis perkahwinan cucunya. Betul ke ini cucunya? Dia bersongkok? Namanya nama orang Melayu! Oh, rupa-rupanya cucu angkat yang dah lama tak bertembung muka! Rapat ke hubungan mereka? Sejauh makku tahu mereka jarang-jarang bertemu apatah lagi hidup sebumbung...sebenarnya di sanalah si ibu tua akan ditinggalkan! Akhirnya kelopak mata makku tidak tertakung lagi air jernih yang kian panas terasa...air mata makku berlinangan apabila terdengar sambungan ceritanya...wanita tua yang dikatakan dah nyanyuk menangis...meronta...menjerit...merayu agar dia tidak ditinggalkan...pada detik dia bakal ditinggalkan!!!! Dia tak kenal apa itu Kuala Lumpur!!! Dia ingin kembali ke kampung halamannya!!! Kampung yang tak sunyi daripada suara seorang ibu mengulit sembilan orang anak kecilnya pada suatu ketika dulu!!! Adakah keterlaluan permintaan terakhirnya? Adakah orang nyanyuk tahu merayu agar dirinya tidak ditinggalkan di tempat asing? Adakah orang nyanyuk mempunyai perasaan duka dan luka? Kesudahannya...seorang ibu tua ditinggalkan sembilan orang anaknya atas alasan wanita tua ni dah nyanyuk......hatiku turut hiba dan pedih tatkala ibuku memberitahuku khabar yang tidak diundang ini...makku berkata padaku nasib baik dia tak tunjukkan apa-apa petanda nyanyuk...namun mak, yakinlah pada keempat-empat orang anakmu ini...kau sentiasa ibu kesayangan dan mahkota hati anak cucumu sampai selama-lamanya...kau bukan sahaja takkan ditinggalkan sesiapa...malah kau sentiasa hidup mekar dalam taman hati setiap anakmu sampai selama-lamanya...

2 ways Vs 1 choice

As long as we manage to open our eyes, it seems that we hv to make a choice. To my PMR boys, they also need to decide want to go to school or stay at home to bertapa demi pulihkan tenaga selepas bertarung hingga titisan peluh yang terakhir. To my SPM boys, they need to make their choice too...bergelut untuk SPM di rumah atau meningkatkan kemahiran bersosial di sekolah...me? Most of the time it seems no way but have one choice. Shall we feel blessed when there is only one choice before us? How about if that choice actually is no choice? Human always get themselve into a conflict. More than one way, we complain because we have to make a choice but when we have only one way, we also complain cause we have no choice! Same that when we try to make an order. When we look at the menu, we get confuse caused don't know what to choose but when the menu is so limited choices, we complain. To me, no matter what kind of ways we choose, finally will reach to the end...just a matter of time...then during that time we will know our choice is the right one or not. Like me, most of the time I get confuse too. Sometimes I feel sad, sometimes i get angry, sometimes I just miss my Sarawak students very much, some how I realized that i start call Chung Ling boys as 'my students'...no longer as 'penang's students'...but in the same time I feel scare too...do they really care and accept me like my Sarawak students? I just stood there and don't know what to do. Once I accept students as my students, my heart can easily break if he or she betray me. I faced it once before and it took me back to normal after a year plus. 2 ways 1 choice... it can make our life full of excitement but in the same time can ruin our daily life. Then how to choose? Follow our heart guided by our Heavenly Father. If this is the way He wants us to proceed, just go ahead even it seems like a hard way cause we will see the sunlight soon. Pray and trust in Him. Doing the right thing doesn't means that doing the thing that we like. The core business in Christianity is LOVE. So, make a right choice that please Him...not ourselve. I manage to love others because He loves me first. Follow His choice...His way...the right choice....God bless you all always.

A letter to Chiet Joo

Dear Chiet Joo, it has been quite a long time you keep silence. The first time i met you, you were just a form two young lady. During that time I just served in education field for 2 years. I had my own ambition, my vision, my ego. Because of my back ground, I always told myself I will help those poor students to stand up for their right and fight for their life. I will be there for them ! Broken history shouldn't repeat on my poor students...my students...Anywhere you are one of those that i overlook at the beginning of my career as a teacher...those from good back ground....to me I had nothing to give except teaching. Students from good back ground don't need me. But I never told you that my memories about you had changed my life as a teacher forever. I still remember that you spoon feed me with a nugget that you cooked during ERT lesson...I ate it with ordinary feeling...I still remember one day you asked your friend to ask me whether you can join me to Popular bookstore after tuition....again i said yes with a cool feeling. I just wondering what do you want from me? I am not the one that you are looking for neither do I ! You don't need my attention! The third memory about you is when LEO Club had a trip to Brunei, you squeeze in to sleep near by me...you managed to get a space to sleep head to head with me on the floor ! Any way i still entertaint your request with an ordinary heart. The fourth memory is when you point out my mistake in one of the Economic's formula. You did ask me in such a polite way but I refused to admitt it. My ego shouldn't ruin by a good back ground student...Economics just your external subject...how could it be that I make a mistake? When I still struggle, the fifth memory drop in my life and finally had opened my eyes, my ears ...my heart ! Finally I let go my ego! I am able to apologize to students...I always be there for my students...all kind of back ground ! All are my students ! All !I love them very much ! It's because of you ! I really wish that I can say thank you to you personally! I really hope that I can admmit my mistake before you! I really hope that I will be given one more chance but the fifth memory remind me that I won't have any chances to say it anymore...no more...just no more....you already with Him...Quek Liang was the first person who told me about that news! I didn't respon cause it can't be! School closed caused of haze...why you were out from your house? Why you ride your bicycle up to the hill? You are too young to leave...just too young to leave this world....I am sorry I ignored you those days...i am sorry I withdraw my love from you...I am sorry i refused to admmit my mistake...I am sorry that i only know how to become a teacher after you have gone...I am sorry Chiet Joo...I am truely sorry...you are always in my heart. Really...forever....Do rest in peace.

Michael Vs Jackson

This morning I heard from my friends in school shocked with the news about Michael Jackson's death. Is it a big deal if the person who dead called Michael or Jackson? I believe Michael Jackson can imagine how shock the world with his death but unfortunately he will never ever have a chance to feel it cause his journey in this world already reached the end. Its same for all human kind. No matter how wonderful, glamours or unnoticed person we are, when we die, people might cry out or cheer up for it but it mean nothing to the one who already stop breathing. We wont see it, feel it or have any connection with this world and it's peole. So, what is the reason to be a nice, warm and loving good person since we are not going to have those pride after we pass away? why? It's because we wish that we will see the path to heaven after we once again open our eyes. Remember that we are the one who cry out so loud yet people surrounding us smile and laugh when we were born. But when we die, we should smile in peace and their will cry out loud for their lost one. Anyway we hope to meet them in heaven. So, we become a nice good person not to get good name, glory or wealth but...its what God wants from us...may God blessed you and let our life be a blessing to others.

rumput Vs pokok

Hidup ini kerap membawa kita ke persimpangan dan kita dituntut untuk buat pilihan. Kadangkala nampaknya kita yang menentukan hala tuju kita tetapi kebanyakan kali situasi nampaknya terbalik. Misalnya senang untuk menyatakan kepada diri kita bahawa kita wajar henti bersedih...kesudahannya kita bertambah sedih! Hentikan pemikiran kita tentang si dia yang pengkhianat, namun akhirnya hati kita yang kian terguris! Sama juga dengan diriku kini...ku ingin jadi serumpun rumput di tepi jalan. Tiada siapa yang beriku perhatian..ku idam akan hidupku yang serba ringkas. Namun, ku tetap dijadikan sepohon pokok! Banyak juga anak remaja pernah berteduh di bawah pokok ni...tak salahkan? Masalahnya ku kan jadi tumpuan burung hantu, burung gagak, ular...diserang, disakiti, dirosakkan...ini bukan kehendak hatiku untuk menjadi sepohon pokok...sejakku berpindah keluar dari bumi keyalang telahku janji pada diriku untuk menjadi serumpun rumput...dah cukup sengsara menjadi sepohon pokok di halaman St Columba...ku betul-betul ingin hidup aman dan bebas daripada hasad dengki dan dendam yang tiada kesudahan...namun kata-kata Ms Teh, bekas kaunselor St Columba terngiang-ngiang kembali dalam telingaku...dia begitu pasti tatkala mengatakan padaku bahawa ku tidak mungkin menjadi serumpun rumput walau ke manapun ku bawa diriku! Ku tak berniat untuk mengancam apatah lagi merampas kedudukan mana-mana pihak...kenapa harusku kau anggap sebagai musuh ketatmu? Pernah seorang anak buahku memberitahuku...menurutnya orang yang tulus tidak akan berjaya malah akan dimusnahkan musuh yang tidak diundang...adat hidup kononnya...masih ku ingat akan jawapanku...ku katakan bahawa kita wajar gunakan kebijaksanaan untuk mengecapi kejayaan lantas melindungi diri kita daripada serangan musuh...bukannya kelicikan...walaupun ku masih sentiasa menjadi buruan musuh yang tak diundang, namun ku tetap percaya akan prinsip ketulusan dan keikhlasan jiwa...memang bukan pilihanku untuk menjadi sepohon pokok tapi ditakdirkan-Nya...ku benci akan hidup glamour tetapi itulah kehidupan yang akan mengiringiku...alangkah bahagianya untuk hidup bebas dan tidak diberikan perhatian oleh sesiapa...bagai rumput yang tumbuh di tepi jalan....