praise Vs pressure

Finally spm result came out. As usual got student felt so excited and in the same time got students felf so down and even some lost in their own worries. How about the teachers? i am not sure. How about me? Again...like last year I felt very excited for a few days then i lost again in my own world. To make sure that my students wont feel single doubt about my technical guidance, again I have to boast on the result...I hate this action very much !!!! I really hate myself for doing this !!!!! But I have to make sure my students trust in me...they don''t even have time to reconsider or to think about it! They have to believe in my way...they just don't have time....not enough time...Is it worthy to lost myself for it? The only thing that i am very sure is I am very disappointed with myself! When am I going to be myself again? God, when will You get me out of this? When? When I shout out for help, there is nobody really keen to listen to the voice of my heart especially when they know who I am. Can anybody in Penang accept me just as a simple me and not who I am or what i can do in their children's studies? Can? God, I want to go back to Sarawak.....city life is not suitable for me...popularity that i gain in Chung Ling make my spirit turn down and down...I am very happy for my students but not my life. I do enjoy a lot to teach my students! They are fantastic guys! I like them a lot and more and more very single day. That's why i am very scare...I am even much more scare if I fail to help them to improve their BM...if I fail my students...how? How? God, I am truely deeply depress.............I am worry every single day...everyday...God, why me? Why You choose me? But who am I to know the answer...You are my God my Lord from beginning til the end ! I live as a Chri ian and i'll die as a Christian army too with no regret !!! Never ever as a coward before You ! I still will proceed..God, I am Your army... I won't leave the team...i'll fight until my last breath to glorify Your name...give me strenght Lord...be quiet my heart..get rest my soul...tomorrow wil continue my journey again...get rest...just rest in Christ....