u believe Vs u don't believe.

When we asked a child what do they want to be, i think that their answere is they want to become an adult so that they can be free. Anyway, they wont be able to foresee that adults lost their freedom even more after they reached end of their childhood. I have lots of things to pour out from the bottom of my heart but the voice never came out because it's not meant to be heard. Within this two years in Penang, I still struggle with His dicision to send me back. I think nobody here will believe that a teacher can miss her students from other state so much for so long..so i have to keep it in my heart alone... cause nobody here believe it...Do you know that i tried so hard to bring love and care in my students' life? No, nobody knows. I am very sad when a student told me that they don't care about their teachers after class end. But i want to be a part of my students's life..I want to be their friend so that i can give them a hand when they lost.... I think they realize about it but when they received their exam papers bo get scolded by me, some of them get confuse and turn to become don't belive anymore. Where does love go? Again i have to hide my feeling and pretend that it doesn't matter to get rejected by students...Do my students know that i tried very hard to stop my tears from dropping down during school special assembly? Why? Because nobody will believe that i can love my two form five boys by getting to know them around two weeks before the tragedy! Nobody knows that I still love and care about my year 2009 3TA2 students! Nobody believe!!!!! Some might believe at the beginning but it will change after they get their mark or get scolded by me again...nobody will believe! What had happened in my hometown? God, why You send me back? I really feel deeply helpless and my heart is always fill with sadness!!!!!! Lord, please do show me the way out before i get collapse...what do You put me into this place? I can't shout out !!!! Cause nobody believe !!!!!! God, i know You are good all the time...do send Your angels to console my heart...I am very tire and very lonely here....I cant denied that some of them are very wonderful and lovely students but they are too young to understand how I really feel...I know they are always be there to give me fully support but they are too young to give me the strenght that i need to overcome my circustances...Lord, i need more than that...I really don't want to argue with my BM students regarding essay writtings, no more teaching matter that against tuition teachers matter here...no more arguement with anyone in school regarding students' matter.....Lord, why You believe in me yet I start feel doubt about myself? Lord, now i am goin to rest in Your arm...give me wisdom and strenght to complete Your plan thru me...You are my Lord forever...Amen.