a baby Vs an adult

One day an adult met a baby at a bus station. Both starred at each other then the conversation begun.
"Hey little boy, don't you know how lucky you are?"
"What? Don't you realize that when i was born, I was the only one who was crying while people surrounding me keep on smilling and ignore my feeling! Is it what you called lucky?"
"Of course! When you cried or make a little sound, they will give you full attention! Your every single move always catch their full attention!Not like me! My parents and others alway ignore me especially about my thought and how I feel!You should feel happy to be a baby!"
"No! That's not true! We, babies very pity too caused nobody understand our launguage! What we can do is keep on crying and some time our parents get angry with us and thought that we are bad! We don't have a right to choose our food or anything. Why? Because we have to follow, accept and obey whatever is given by our parents for 'our own good'! Everything is from their point of view! This you call hapiness?"
Again, they looked at each other...maintain silence...why? Seems like nobody is happy. Why? Nobody met the one who wants to listen to their voice! Nobody willing to sense the sound from others' heart!

The bus arrived. They make their own move. The little baby jouney is determin by the person who carry him. He need to obey. This adult have to make his own move cause nobody there for him. Thier voice reach no where. So, where can we find hapiness? The answere is when we have somebody who is willing to hear our voice and understand our heart! No matter you have found your hapiness or not, life still go on. Take care, my beloved friends. No matter you are a 'baby' or an adult, when you found out nobody to talk to or to hear your says, talk to Him. He will listen. God bless and Merry Christmas!

Coming back vs going home

What so special about 5th Dec? 5th Dec year 2007, the last moment and the last day my feet still in Miri.I keep on reminding myself that I will be back to Miri for a yearly vacation or may be to stay put there after my retirement. 2nd July 1995, I stepped in this wonderful land for a very first time and I left on 5th Dec 2007. My first Chung Hua's student and my first batch students...finally my last batch students. Tonight, I asked myself is it anybody there waiting and hoping for my return? Is it anybody there? Some already move to other states or other contries. I already changed my email and phone number. How we going to keep in touch? I am doubt.Even now, I am very confuse. Am I going back to Miri? Where is my own house? Where is my own car? I have nothing there. I am not going back to Miri but it is just a visiting. I am just a visitor! Thank God cause on 5th Dec I will join my secondary school classmates to have a trip to KL to meet up with another old friend of mine. So, 5th Dec will be the day to be remembered...remember of what? Leaving [Miri], coming back [Penang]and going to catch up with my old friends [KL]. Besides that, I am going to meet with my Miri ex-student from Chung Hua and my ex-coursemate [USM]from PJ...pertembungan antara dua zaman. So, until now I still don't know who am I and who I want to be. Is it because of my deepest love to Miri, Sarawak and my church or because of old memories that always hold me back? What should I do? My love to my beloved friends in Miri will never ever fade...no matter what! My life, my heart, I give it to God! This is for sure. Why? Caused get hurt very badly and almost lost myself. By who? No comment caused this person is a creation of God too. So, what is my conclusion? I am not going or coming anywhere. I am a Malaysian. All this way, I never moved or serve in other contries! 5th Dec just another ordinary day and the meanning of this day is filled with God's blessing, protection and His will to glorify His kingdom! Amen!

new friends and old friends

Recently is school long term holiday.. i felt quite bored until i received a good news that one of my first batch student from Miri going to pay me a visit! Wow...me was so excited! My students from Miri, my beloved friends that i miss very much. Another three who work in Penang also joinned us for the meet. One of them already become a father. Surrounding by my Miri's friends bring back my laugh and joy again! Just now I checked my blog and noticed some more me beloved students tried to get me! I tried to reply but i don't now how! Eemmmm....it's time for me to upgrate my computer skill! To my old friends, my phone number is...... and my email is ....... Just wish my old friends to know that I do miss you all alot and I don't want to loose contact with anyone of you. I have all kind of students in my life. Some have a wierd name like katak, kura-kura, zebra etc. In my memories I only have my friends and those who hurts me so deeply, I passed the case to God and me, hands off. So, I only have friends in Miri. Not more than that. When I was thinking about my old days with my friends, my current school student contact me. He asked me out with his classmates after their SPM last paper! Wow! What a shock to me! I never thought that they accept me as thier senior friend..or may be all this while I withdraw myself from accepting new friends! Will I loose my old friends after accepting new friends? The answere is no! Every one is unique and nobody can replace each other! In Miri, I have 'boyfriends' and 'girlfriends' but here, all my new friends are boys...they are from boys school...to me, in all kind of relationship, the core business is sincerety! No matter near or far, boys or girls, I accept you as who you are and i love you all very very very much once I accepted you .... and ... called you .... my friend...

Front door and the back door

Recently I have a new hobby...do some reading before bed time. Yesterday I read about this article. The writter wrote: when God closed the front door, He will open the back door for us. You know what...hahaha...yesterday my mum pushed my brother to opened the back door so can do some cleanning since so many years been closed for safety purpose. My brother seems not so happy about it cause the back door was hardly to open and he wish to have more rest. Anyway, as a son, he obeyed. Yesterday evening time, my brother cant get out from his house caused the front door's key stuck inside and no way to fix it. Thank God caused already get ready the back door for him. He just need to make a big round before reach the gate to get his car. Today after church, he and my mum caught outside his house because the back door locked from inside and he forgot to bring that bunch of keys with him. Yet praise the Lord caused I went back home after sending them. Our house is very near. He called and I fetched them to have lunch and rest in my house til his friend came over to open the door.. of course the lock damaged. The key for our daily prolems shooting is to seek Him first unless we want to use our own way. Sometimes when I think back the tragic and betray that almost took my soul away, I felt immese sad and just can't help it. But I thank God. He closed the front door to protect me and safe me from keep on be used and manipulated. He knows I will be very sad and it will last for quite some time but He must closed the front door because He loves me so much. He did open the back door for me but I brought the futile memories with me. Thats why I can't get through the back door! I get caught inside! Thank God again, through His servant, I realize that we have to surrender our burdens to Him and also MUST REMEMBER to leave them there with Him so that we can set free, release and relief to get through the back door. To those who is heart broken or full of heart burdens, remember the back door and get through that door with empty hands peaceful heart. May God bless you and protect you always from the darkside.

I had a dream

Quite a long time I didn't have any dreams while I fall to sleep until a few days back. I saw myself pass by a small valley. I just wonder why people gather at a small hill and like waiting for something to happen. There is nothing there except a four floors motel. I ask and the answer i get is ...wait until midnight. It turn dark very fast. I saw some people go in. Through their face and their posture, I know they are deperate people. They must feel really down but why they choose that motel? Is it no other way or place to turn to? One of the people there told me that the ownner just provide strong wain to any customers who are interested. He never force. After sometime...i can hear the fighting sound very clearly from there. My heart really burden by those sound. They are hurting each other. Then i saw one body fall down from 4th floor and die. Finally I understand...they went there because they have give up hope and dead is what they choose. Outsider can't do anything because the choice is in our hand. This is the real dream came to me that night and I thank God that I didn't choose that path even I almost enter that motel once before. I wil do whatever I could to be there for my family, my friends and welcome them to my hut...my warm heart to take a break and a good rest before they continue their journey. I learn through the incredible experience...If I really love you means that I always love you no matter i need you or not. If I only love you when i need you, this i call as manipulating. I wish I can open a hut near by the motel as an alternative for those heart broken to take a rest. My beloved friends, if have time, do drop by to my hut. Love is free, care is free and hands are there to give you a free hug ... I got hurt very deeply but thank God, I still choose to love His people caused He loves me so much and He send His love through His people to bring me up again...with love not revenge or hate. Welcome to my hut.

I carried you to bring me home.

Sometimes I just wonder why it seems so far to reach home. I know I am in the right path, I know i am moving and the view keep on changing but why I am still seems so far away from home. Then I met you, a little boy. Hey, I dont think that you know the answere for my question...i dont think that you can help me either to find the way home...no way! never mind. I still smile at you and greet you a good day cause i wish my smile can console your sadness. I proceed my journey, a journey that bring me no way. Not far from you, I heard your crying voice. Young boy, may I help you? Are you also lost? Let me carry you and sing you a song. It's my honour to be there for you, my dear little friend. Your village just a mile from here?I am very impressed! You know your way home! You just scare to walk alone. Dont worry, I will be with you until my service is call off. Do I feel tire? No, I am not because I have you not only you have me. I saw your village already. Green grass with roses. The aroma is the sweetest whalming welcoming home to you, my young friend. You are the lucky one. Then you gave me a warm hug before say good bye ... your hug make my heart beep again...yupp... I found the answere!!!...thank you...thank you for carrying me home too!!!...now I know...i know...my heart will show me the way home not the past...the past dragged back and put me still...may God bless you and your family, my young friend and thank you...the first key to go home is remember to bring our heart with us and never look back...I am on my way home again...thank you Lord..and thank you for this little angel that u send to me...to bring me home...

Last episod for chapter 1: Finally I met him.

I am very tired...How far I walked.. I am not sure. Just remembered that I felt down when I took a walk sometime ago. So painful. My right hand was bleeding. There was a young lady passed by. She looked at me then left me with a microscope. I just starred at her until she was lost in my sight.. I just wondered why she left me just like that yet i never dare really to walk away when she cried! We are a very close. She left me with a microscope and two four letters word...one is 'hurt' and one is 'hate'...I cant understand...never mind...at least now i have a microscope...may be i get the answeres. Hei, why am i crying?..none stop some more...Why? My right hand full of dirt and I even can see blood under my skin! Its a serious injury!!! Can see so clearly! What should I do? Suddenly I heard his voice. So gentle in the silence. I raise up my face. He is sitting at a small rock...not far yet not near to me. "Anna, its me," What a shock! How you know my name? Hey, since when my surrounding turned dark? I am in the middle of the jungle? Even worst...a deep cliff is just one step in front of me! When I reached there? It is already dark and I am alone here. "I can't see you? Who are you? Is it you who bring me here?"..."No, its not me but you yourself and the microscope. I was observing you and keep on calling you but you didn't hear it caused you were too busy... so, I have to keep on waiting for a small space in your sight to respon to me," What? You were there with me all the time? Then why don't you stop me? I almost fall down to the cliff!"..."That's why I am here, my dear," 'Mr, I feel vert cood, tire, get hurt and hungry! Can you show me the way home? I just want to go home...just go home...can you help me?"..."My dear, the microscope brought you here..chainned your legs ...bond your soul ...lead you to the darkness! I know you well. You woundn't bring any huge harm to anyone. Your heart is sofhten then clouds. You always turn back even you know it will bring disaster to your life! It is the microscope that lady gave you. It makes your heart turn cold and burn your soul with plenty of blames and guilties! You have to throw it it to the cliff to see your way home!"..."No! Its a present from her to acompany me! It might be the clue for me to know the secret behind two four letters word she left for me!"..."Yes, to accompany you to bring your life to the end! Look at your wounds...it is just a small scatches.. look at! Alone in the dark! Throw it now! You will find the clue for those words! Throw it now!"... "Who are you? Why should I listen to you?"..."Throw it now, my dear...you have no more time...no more chance to see the scene behind those suffer you have been through! Just throw it! Then I will tell you who I am,"...If this is the only hope to go home, I must and have to try..a try...a trial...and a trust just because he is the only one I have now... okay, I throw! I throw it! Now! A strong light just flash to my eyes...forced me turn to the back! I covered my face with my hands! I look up...I saw a path... flowers at both sides...rainbow in the sky...the lightness...yes...this is the path to go home! Where is he? Who is he?...He is gone in the wind...I opened my hands...there is a leaf at both side...i open it slowly...a leaf...the curve on the leaf at my left...only one four letters word...'LOVE'...the leaf on ly right is his name...I know him...yapp...quite a long time ago...and i almost forget him...His name is ... Gabriel, the angle from our Father in heaven...I can feel my heart beep again...my soul get alive again...the joy of love and the move of my foots...faster then ever...I am ready...I found it...i found the way home! I am coming home, my Father!

Four Letters Word

There are so many words in four letters but which word will come out from our mind is depend on the climate of our heart. There are two words crossed my mind just now which are totally contradicted, one is 'love' and one is 'hate'. Love is the foundation of hate? Is it true? I hate you so much show that actually i still love you very much? To me, the answer in NO. Love and hate cannot stand together. If I love you, no matter what you did to me and how much hurt you bring to me, I will forgive and accept you as you are...as many times as it could take until the love fade. Its not because of hate but its because the love faded. When we stop loving somebody, its doesn't mean we hate that person! It's just a turning point to change the relationship to become a friendship. Why must we replace the fading love with hate? Life is so short and has very limited space to fill in. So why have to fill with hate? If fall apart, cant we wish and bless each other have another wonderful journey? God loves us so much. Because of our sin, we fall apart from God but God still loves us so much and never ever hope that we all will fall to hell. He still 'open' the heaven 'gate' for us to go 'home'. Punishment...is use to make us reliaze our own faults, correct our misdoings and become a better person...not as a way to show hate and revenge. So, if we are angry, have arguement, a fight or even decided to fall apart, forgiveness and blessing are the way to say goodbye and blessed by God and one day if we met again, we still can smile and greet each other. Even we don't have the same way in our life journey but we still can choose the same path to heaven. Lets put aside this four letters word ... 'hate' in any kind of broken relationship to feel free to soar the blue sky and under the thunder with our strong wings without any burden in our heart.

Lost and found Vs found and lost

Sometimes we are not sure which is the right one...lost after found or found after lost...it seems that the first one will fill with tear and the other one will fill with joy but I found something else in the middle. Recently I lost something which is very precious to me. It makes me can't sleep for a few nights. I lost it and i lost myself completely. Tears like a stream took my life away. My mum cried, my brothers and sisters worried...if continue like this i will die slowly...they wondered what so precious until the lost can caused them to loose a daughter, a sister, a friend...Actually I start face difficulties to sleep since April cause i i am and always very worry ... worry that I might loose my precious one when I am not alert enough. What is that? It's love. But i lost it a few days ago and darkness was my world.. from sadness turned to anger...how I lost it? Through words...through words i hurt the person i love so much...through words I wasted every single chances I had...and through words bring to the end. Today, finally I can't go to work at all. I know its time to seek for a hut to rest...or else will get hunt to the dead. Lost after found does bring lots of repent, sadness, blames, hopeless and helpless but thank God...He back to me...in Matt 11:28 - 29. What is really bring all the sadness is not will find the lost or not but is forgiveness from the lost, the one that we care so much yet we hurt so much. Forgiveness doesn't means acceptance. I pray in Jesus Christ name to get forgiveness from the precious lost and hope to get the real precious present once again in my life...Not the return of the lost one, but the forgiveness is the most precious one...for the lost...already found a way out...praise God for that and may God bless you and protect you all time...and hope that you will remember to forgive me, the lost one to set you and me free...as long as yo are fine, my soul will rest.